Are you a social media douchebag?

(Warning: moderately strong language ahead)

A self-proclaimed social media geek, I’ll be the first to admit that my love affair with SM is not without its challenges. In particular, one beef I have is that social media empower the ignorant masses to declare themselves “experts” by virtue of the fact that they can publish content real-time (or, re-publish someone else’s original content).

These “gurus” are really douchebags in disguise. They have no true understanding of how social media can help a business grow the top line. They just happen to be somewhat familiar with the tools – all talk and no action.

Good news, friends. I’m here to help you identify said douchebags so you no longer have to wonder if someone’s really worth their weight in social smarts. Thus, I present to you…

“You may be a social media douchebag if…”

• You post the exact same message multiple times a day to all of your social networks. If no one responded the first time, re-posting isn’t going to magically generate interest.
• You don’t engage in conversation with people. You only push messages out into the Twitterverse or Facebook world because you think YOU are the most important voice.
• Your blog entries don’t cover any new ground or unique points of view. You’re basically re-wording what Mashable or other authorities have already said on any given topic.
• Your tweets are filled with hash tags and @ references. For example, “#What2Watch = @Bravo #RHONJ or @EOnline #KUWTK?” What the hell does that even mean*?! You think you’re cool and down with social media lingo but overusing it and failing to speak in an approachable way is more a deterrent than anything else.
• You auto-broadcast all of Mashable’s articles. Oh yes, now you’re REALLY a “social media expert.”
• You tweet “Help me get to X followers!” at least once a week. I don’t care about your follower count. It doesn’t make you any more interesting – just more desperate. In fact, you do this again, I’m not only going to UN-follow you, but block your douche ass.
• You overly use cliché terms and phrases like “value of a Facebook fan” and “content is king” and “it’s all about viral marketing and engagement” in the vain hope that you’ll sound lofty enough to make people assume you know what you’re doing.
• It takes you 23 tweets to get your “Follow Friday” list out… but you never tell us WHY we should follow any of the other social media douche bags you’re promoting.
• You have inflated your friend or follower count by creating fake accounts so that you look more popular. ‘Nuff said here.
• You play games on Facebook like Farmville or Mafia Wars, and constantly update your status with your gaming accomplishments. We don’t give a crap if you harvested corn today, or if you have a lost puppy on your farm. Don’t you have something better to do?
• Your head shot is on your business card. Ew. Just, ew. (Exception: this is only okay for real estate agents, models and actors.)

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*For the record, this particular tweet basically means “Should I watch Real Housewives of New Jersey on Bravo or Keeping up with the Kardashians on E!?”